Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Visit to the Precious Past



So Im in Frankfurt, Germany now.
I’ll be travelling Germany and Czech Republic for a business trip. 
Being here, I cant help but be reminded of myself here 6 years ago. 
Almost like the movie; Before sunset Before sunrise. You travel through time and see how characters have changed, aged, matured through this condensed lense of time.


Last time I was here, I was this young, naive, hippe, frugal backpacker with so much curiosity and passions oozing out of me. My life as I’ve had seen it in my head was just about to get started. “Lois, the world traveler, developing world carer, a Lawyer, God-lover.” I wasnt scared of anything. I wasn’t attached to anything either. So many naive and untainted identities I hid behind and I loved being there. Every bit of it. no matter how hungry I was, how uncomfortable my hostels were. I loved every bit of a bite on baguettes, walks in the parks, getting lost in the streets, taking photos, imagining what life could be. Sometimes that was all I was doing; imagining all day, lost in the wonders of sexy cities like Prague and Paris. Oh dear, How I miss myself then. I miss not the lost times, or the travelling. I miss me, I miss who I was. What the exuberating youth had allowed me to be- brave, naive, hopeful, energetic.
Not that Im not all that now. But its so surreal to be in a 5 star hotel, eating proper food and be taken around the city and seeing the city like that this time. The change of perspective and the standing I have now. And fair enough, I guess Im not as hopeful nor brave as I was 6 years ago.
I take vitamins, omega 3 and probably 3-4 other supplements to barely get through the day. Travelling has become a chore. But I gotta admit I do like this silence of my hotel room that I have totally to myself and to my thoughts. away from my desk and work. that I love. yah. 

Am I stating the obvious? Of course you change with time. What did I expect?
There were colourful seasons of life during those past 6 years. I had the most painful and I had the most joyful. I was most independent. then I was completely dependent. It’ll probably be my most precious memory to take with me into my 30s and 40s and so on. 

And there is
No regret.
Absolutely not.
Only reminiscence. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

Fix you.

I love this song


“When you try your best but you don't succeed

when you get what you want but not what you need
Stuck in reverse?
When you lose something you cant replace.
When you love someone but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you. "


No matter what shape you are in.
I will love you.
No matter whether or not you give up
I will fix you.
No matter how you scared you are to face the world again
I will wait for you.
All the pains I have experienced and know of,
If you could learn from my mistakes and take comfort from them
I will pour myself out to you.
I will always try to fix you.


I love you because I love you.
Not because you are better than anyone,
I love you because I love you,
Not because you are perfect.
I love you because I love you.

There is no reason for love but love.